Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
