Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
