I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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