sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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