i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
