Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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