There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
