Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
