I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
