I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
