i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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