Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
