The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Found the puke drawer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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