i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
