is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
