I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
