good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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