i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why do cheetos always look like penises
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
