theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
