I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
