Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
