Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
