After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
