My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
