there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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