She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
