Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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