remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
