Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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