I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
