Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
