the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
