Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
