Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
