I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
