Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
