life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
