I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
