Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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