i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
