i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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