may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
