So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
