Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
