i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
