he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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