38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
