i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
