Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
