He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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