You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
