This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
