I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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