I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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