I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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