My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
