when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
