Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
