Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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