i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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