Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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