So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
